One of the things I hear a lot from new clients who record their voice for living, whether you’re a podcaster, voice artist, presenter or even a coach recording yourself for online content… is the dreaded ‘I hate the sound of my own voice.’ It makes me very sad. So, in this blog I’m offering insights to help you to learn to love your voice, appreciate your sound and find confidence in what you offer vocally, what you offer uniquely vocally.
It’s gonna be a bloody love fest, so strap in.
These tips are practical and somewhat psychological. There is even a social element to consider.
Here we go!
How to love your voice, tip one: immerse yourself in it.
Dive in! One of the main reasons people don’t like the sound of their voice is because they’re not used to hearing it just through their own ears, so it literally sounds different, not what they recognise as ‘them’ which can be terrifying.
But that’s just science!
When we hear our own voice, we hear it through our ears via the sound that comes out of our mouth and travels through the air and goes back into our ears… But we also hear it internally via bone-conducted hearing ie the vibrations travelling through all of the smushy and boney stuff in our head. We’re sort of getting it in human stereo mode. That really changes the quality of the sound you’re hearing. So make sure you’re listening to yourself more in the way that others hear you via just a speaker which is easy these days – we’ve all got one on our phones, so don’t say that it’s too technologically hard.
It’s basically enrolling yourself in immersion therapy for your voice and it works. Eventually the differences you hear get less. You balance the input of what you’re hearing and feeling internally with what you’re hearing externally. Familiarity breed confidence and understanding so it’s really key that you listen to yourself as much as you can to get used to your voice. Especially if you’re gonna be working on your voice in some way. You can’t accurately affect change and explore your voice if you don’t know what it sounds like.
Voice work and speaking is about sensation over sound. You have to know your voice from all angles. And that’s tip one: Get your fecking phone out, record yourself once a day speaking in whatever context, and listen back. Cringe. Cry. Wail. Then do it again. Every day.
Tip two for learning to love your voice?
I do think it’s really important to understand another reason why you might dislike certain elements of your voice. Sadly, that is the fault of society and the media for brainwashing us into thinking we have to sound a certain way to be heard by favouring particular voice styles and accents.
We have other people’s opinions on all sorts of things pumped into our brains day after day, minute by minute. Sometimes it’s lovely things, and sometimes it’s less lovely things – like certain accents for some peculiarly rude reason, or studies into why certain vocal qualities are ‘just terrible’ like vocal fry for example, and other unnecessary comments on how the tone of certain peoples voices just makes our skin crawl.
Sadly, people feel they have ‘permission’ to put this horrible stuff out there into the world. Hearing it impacts our unconscious views which not only affects how we hear and judge other people, but also how we hear and judge ourselves as well.
We are our harshest critics. For example, if you hear your voice in your head with a bit more bass or texture, and then when you hear it played back, maybe in a podcast interview, and it doesn’t sound like 99 percent of the other voices that get air time… maybe it’s a bit higher pitched, expressive in a different way or has a slightly different tonal quality, remember you’re listening through the lens that all this media has cultivated. So you’re not just thinking ‘Oh God I didn’t think I sounded like that, that’s weird!’ You’re thinking ‘Ahh I sound weird and higher and screechier and more monotone than all the other voices I usually hear coming out of the radio. Oh that’s terrible. My voice is terrible! It doesn’t belong on the airwaves’.
In short, it’s someone else’s fecking opinion and you should tell them to feck off. And you with your opinion, that’s really not your opinion, be kind to yourself. Try and listen with a non-judgemental ear. Just absorb yourself, listen and learn how you really sound.
Skilfully segway into loving your podcast voice tip three…
How does this voice you have make other people feel? This is a huge one! Think about how your voice affects people. Does it comfort them, settle them, soothe them, inspire them, make them laugh… and all those lovely things that we do with our voices to the people around us, the people who really matter. How do we do that? Well, this is the best but really, it’s a wee bit cringe and tough but it really helps. We get our fecking mates to compliment us. Yes! I want you to call up your best mate, the one that really knows you, loves you and knows what you do and you ask them a few questions. Explain to them the situation, without giving too much away, and then ask them these questions:
How does my voice make you feel?
What do you like about my voice?
Those questions are specifically worded to encourage specific answers or answering in a way that is gonna be positive and supportive. You’re not going ‘Someone on the internet said my voice is really whiny. Do you think my voice is whiny?’. Instead, you’re just asking ‘How does my voice make you feel? What do you like about my voice?’ Those are the questions. And then, and this is hard, when they answer, you say ‘thank you’. Don’t reply with ‘On no my voice is awful!’ Instead, say ‘thank you’ and you accept what they’ve said. Absorb that opinion and use it to boost your confidence. In conclusion, listen to the people that really matter and those you trust.
The truth is, it’s not about your tone or your accent or your delivery, it’s about what you say, and the people who want to hear you and need your message will know that. The people who don’t, won’t, and that’s fine. They can just feck off and listen to someone else.
So let’s recap –
Listen to yourself more. Then again. And then a bit more.
Ignore the haters, and have a nice night with your pals complimenting you and your voice!
I know there’s an argument for ‘yes but if a producer says I sign sibilant then I need to sort that out’ I get it. If you need some quick fixes there, grab a copy of my book, On The Mic here. But please understand that those things don’t mean that your voice is awful and useless and terrible. They’re just features that a particular moment in time set off one particular person’s misophonia. Their one opinion. So take on board with all the other information that you get and move forward from there.
I hope this helps you to love your voice!
